After the fiasco of my last trailer training session, where I had to look in the mirror and face the fact that I am not as far on the Parelli track as I thought I was, it was time for reflection. One of the principles of the Parelli method is ‘Love, Language, Leadership’. The two first are not always a problem but one thing I have issues with is leadership. And I think yesterday brought a little light on the reason why.
One thing I discovered is that I was full of doubts and not convinced that I could really achieve something with my horse. I went home after a bad horse day, and sat in front of the television. One of the actors in a show said something that resonated in me: ‘My philosophy is Ask, Believe, Receive.’ I was sure I had heard it before so I googled it and found that it is from a Bible verse ( Matthew 21:22 ‘Everything that you will ask in prayer and believe, you will receive‘.) but a New Age quote as well (where you ask the Universe to give you something).
Leadership is being soft as flower and strong as a tiger
I believe that progressing in the Parelli method also means progressing as a human being. If I am not convinced that I can achieve something (with my horse, or in my life), how can it become true? Without leadership, you are getting nowhere, not with your horse, not with your life. It is your responsibility as a rider to be the best leader you can be for your horse. In my vision, Leadership is being soft as a flower on the outside, but strong as a tiger on the inside. This kind of leadership can be achieved by using the three steps named above (Ask, Believe, Receive). However, for a training session with a horse, I want to add one more step: Imagine.
Step 1: Imagine
You need to have a very clear vision of what you want. it can be something as simple as having your horse take one step back when you move your finger, loading him in a trailer or win the Olympics. In every situation, you need to have a clear vision of your goals and stick to it. This does not mean that you have to stick to one rigid plan at all costs, but that you should use this vision as a guide though your working sessions.
2: Ask
You can now ask your horse to do something using the Seven Games (Friendly, Porcupine, Driving, Yo-Yo, Circling, Sideways, Squeeze Game). If you are not sure how to proceed, ask your Parelli instructor or consult the internet. They are many many things out there to help you: Youtube, the Parelli Community, books, …. One thing you should always do is divide a task into 7 sessions: starting from where you are now to session 7, where you achieve your goal. If your goal is to have your horse doing five steps sideways, then your starting point is the circling game, then one step sideways, then two, and so on. You might want to reassess after three sessions on you progress: maybe you’ll need four sessions maybe fourteen, it does not matter.
If your horse is not responding in the right way, maybe you need to ask him something else or in another way. According to Pat Parelli, ‘If a horse says no, you either asked the wrong way or ask the wrong question’. One trick that might help is to think ‘Oh Boy!’ not ‘Oh, No!’ when things don’t go according to plan. ‘Oh, Boy’ allows you to keep a positive vision and to think of another way to ask something of your horse. ‘Oh No’ allows you to think negatively and doubts might come back. Once again, if stuck, ask help from you instructor or look it up on the internet.
Step 3: Believe:
No place for doubts. You have to be convinced that you will achieve what you want. If you doubt, you’re going nowhere, and even backwards. You may revise the way you ask it along the way, but you have to keep faith in achieving your goals. I know this can be a hard thing to do, but taking a leap of faith and banish all the doubts is the only way to progress as a Parelli student, instructor, as a leader for you horse and as a human being in your life in general.
Step 4: Receive:
Watch it unfold as you reach your goal. Enjoy the journey, it is a big part of the process. Be happy with small steps in the right direction: they are the proof that your are asking it right. If not, go back to check your skills and start again. Only fools don’t learn form their mistakes and only coward people never step out of their comfort zone. After all, this is where the magic happens.
To help you further, I want to share three quotes with you. They were given to me on the same day, to encourage me when I needed it the most. I hope they can help you too.
‘I recognise what you said, I felt exact the same way in the past: I could get frustrated as well. But you can learn to overcome this, just give it time’. Humphrey Dirks
‘Don’t be too hard on yourself. It is more important to learn from your mistakes than mumble about it. Being conscious of what you did wrong already brought you a step further’. Annette Timmer
‘Your horse is not an easy one. I had problems with mine too, but those horses are the greatest teachers and you need them to bring you one step further’. Ivon Engels
Parelli's Survival Guide 